


Too Tired To Think

by Fallenstar126



Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Dogs, Don't worry brendon isnt gonna cheat on sarah, M/M, Old Friends, Pining, Sad, Texting, sleepy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-28
Updated: 2015-11-28
Packaged: 2018-05-03 18:41:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5302577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fallenstar126/pseuds/Fallenstar126
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Brendon is all alone at home, eyes heavy and stinging. He hasn't felt this alone in a long time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Too Tired To Think

The night was its usual mix of cars driving down his street, the wind blowing against drying grass, and his dog’s nails clicking against the wooden floors as they wandered around the quiet house. Brendon was laying in bed, blanket pulled up to his chest and phone casting light across his face.

 

He scrolled through his twitter feed slowly, tired eyes barely able to stay open, but at this point they stung too much when he closed them. The house was too quiet for him to sleep, as Brendon had gotten used to the sound of another living person being a close proximity. Even on the bus, he could always faintly hear someone across the aisle, whether it be Zack laughing over something he saw on Twitter, or Dallon quietly talking to his kids and wife on the phone before they went to bed.

 

It had been a long time since he had felt this alone.

 

Trying to direct his train of thought elsewhere, he went back to focusing on his twitter, but was sidetracked at something someone had retweeted onto his timeline.

 

 

Pursing his lips, he debated unfollowing the person, then chastised himself for being so petty. The kid could retweet whatever they wanted on their own account. Huffing, he tossed his phone onto the side of the bed where Sarah usually lay. She was at her sister’s house that night, however, and wouldn’t be back until the weekend. Brendon felt a pang of despair, that he could be with her right now, instead of pining- No, he refused to admit it to himself.

 

It had been six years since he left. There was no reason to still be upset, he told himself as he stared up at the ceiling. Still, he was allowed to miss the dude, right?

 

His resolve weakened, and he picked his phone back up, thumb opening the link presented in the tweet before he could consciously tell it to do so. The picture popped up on the screen and he couldn’t hold back a smile.

 

Ryan always used to talk about wanting a pet, and memories were brought forth of the first time any communication between the two of them had occurred after the split. Brendon’s phone had been on silent at the time, so he hadn’t been able to pick up the call, too distracted by… something, at this point he couldn’t even remember what was oh so important that he ignored his old best friend.

 

A hiccupping voice was heard over the voicemail later that night, barely audible over the phone, but enough to break Brendon’s heart all over again. “B-Brendon? I need… I need help.” There was a long pause after these words, a shaky breath, then he continued. “I can’t find Knots, he’s gone, I think-” The sound of a door opening interrupted Ryan, the faint sound of a deeper voice, and another hiccup.

 

“I’ve been looking everywhere, Ry, I can’t find-” The voice trailed off there, getting louder as the owner of the voice got closer to Ryan. “Who are you calling?” The voice didn’t seem angry, just blandly curious.

 

“It doesn’t matter.” Ryan breathed, his voice further away than it was previously, the receiver getting bumped. Brendon always imagined that he had brought the phone away from his mouth, holding it to his hip.

 

“Did that say Bre-”

 

“I said it doesn’t matter!” He was louder again, but not because the phone had moved. “Let me-” A hiccup interrupted him again. “Let me finish.” A soft sigh, then the sound of old leather, and the phone was being moved again. “Just… Call me back if you see him.” The message cut off there.

 

Brendon had never had the strength to delete it.

 

Seeing Ryan with Dottie made him hopefully again. After Knots had disappeared, Brendon had noticed an increase in bad, public decisions that even he couldn’t ignore from Ryan. Recently, however, he hadn’t heard much. Ryan had pretty much managed to stay off of his radar in the past few months, save for a passing mention of Brendon’s name in a Q&A.

 

Without completely realizing it, Brendon had started considering sending him a text, asking to hang out, or something along those lines. He started formulating excuses, wanting to meet the puppy, wanting to catch up, even bouncing lyrics off him.

 

The last idea hit a sore spot as he remembered that he probably shouldn’t do that anymore.

 

Six years, and the wounds still felt fresh. Six years, and Brendon could still hear their parting words ringing in his ears, always floating around in the back of his mind, reminding him that it was partially his fault.

 

He shook his head to get the thoughts out of his mind and locked his phone, putting it on the pillow next to him. He would think better in the morning, but he also knew at that point his self preservation would kick in and tell him that this was a bad idea. Brendon wasn’t exactly feeling up to being logical today.

 

“Hey, cute dog. You should bring her around sometime, Penny Lane and Bogart would love a new friend -B” It had taken another few minutes to find Ryan’s number again, and in that time he became more and more sure of his actions. Something about this felt right.

 

Brendon plugged his phone into the charger, and set his alarm for ten that morning. He fell asleep fairly quickly after that, fighting through the stinging pain and falling into a vivid dream.

 

He was in too deep of a sleep to see his phone light up and vibrate lightly.

  
“Sure, would love to see you again, and to introduce you to Dotty. Let me know whenever! -Ry” 

**Author's Note:**

> It's 3 am, this isn't edited. This is the first time I've been able to write in months. Gotta love school. Idk if I'm gonna write more of this so for now this is done
> 
> I am putting myself through college rn, so if you have a spare few dollars, maybe toss me a couple bucks for a coffee! http://ko-fi.com/humanwreakage


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